blank.

there must be someone out there for me.

yeah; this is what i want.

i want disco;
i want lights.

















i want beer;
i want alcohol.









i want dizzz
i want vodka.



i want techno;
i want dance.



i want party;
i want you.

it will all be worth it.

Seeing as I have spare time now (after working on a mind-blogging Math portfolio and wondering whether or not a chemical reaction is acidic or alkaline), I think I'm going to update you guys with some stuff.





So I'm officially a senior. Well, truth be told there really isn't much difference. Walking down to my homeroom I still feel like a junior (probably because I've had Gustavo as my homeroom teacher for the third year now). There really isn't anything special about being a senior - yeah, sure, we're the oldest bunch at school now, and we have off-campus privileges, but there really isn't much that's interesting. As usual the heavy workload stresses some of us out, and with Extended Essays and Portfolios and Internal Assessments due, it's like suddenly you just got hit on the head with a stone and your mind goes from painful to heavy to fatigue.

But the world suddenly seems bigger, and more complicated when the future comes glaring at us and we start thinking about colleges, SATs, personal statements and a whole lot more. It's actually quite daunting to think that we'd all be parting our own ways in just less than a year.

The first few days back at school - getting back into the realm of academics and social pressures and all that High School drama - was actually quite horrible for me. I guess the whole thing just overwhelmed me a little too much and I felt utterly trapped and depressed.

But I've come to realize that my senior year should be the most daring, risky, fun, challenging and I guess happy time of my life. So despite the work, late-nights and occasional breakdowns, I'm ready to cherish every part of this journey before it's too late to regret. [:

nothing else.

There are certain thoughts that run through my head that I can't get rid of. There are certain feelings that I am desperate to express, but afraid to reveal. I have been tied to this feeling of insecurity long ago, but it has never affected me so much until now.

i found out what killed my happiness today.

2. I just read The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time so I have the sudden whim to write like Mark Haddon. I know I haven't written a post in a long time but I guess now is the time to do so. Just a few minutes ago I was literally lying down on my bed thinking about life. I also found out today that I was chosen to be a photographer at THIMUN Singapore this year rather than an Editor which was actually the position I had applied for. So I am quite sad about this because I really wanted to go and now I don't know if I want to anymore. Today is also the 4th which is a very special day for my bff and I.

3. Today I also went to Ann Perreau music studios which is the place I go to for my flute lessons. My flute teacher Mr. Alex is a really nice guy. Today we had lunch together after I had a flute rehearsal. We went to Starbucks and I ate a piece of sugar doughnut and drank a cup of ice vanilla latte with jelly. It was fun because it was the first time I saw Mr. Alex checking out a woman. This woman had nice legs according to Mr. Alex. I dared him to go and ask for her number but he insisted that he'd come back tomorrow at the same time so I don't have to see him if he gets rejected by her. Anyway I had a nice chat with Mr. Alex. We talked about his flings and his on and off girlfriend.

5. I also made a vital discovery today. I think I much prefer to be in a hot place than in a cold place. Like right now I'm typing on my labtop with the AC switched off and the lights switched off too. I like to be in the dark. Or maybe it's because I'm depressed now.

7. I'm quite sad too that school starts in two days. I keep thinking about the future and what it's going to be like and whether or not I will be accepted to my Early-Decision College and whether or not I will like it there. And when I said earlier that I was thinking about life, I meant that I was thinking about what I will become when I become an adult. I don't know what it means to become an adult because Mum always says its when you get your first job and Dad says it's when you go to College so I'm always confused.

11. Tomorrow will be the first driving lesson I have with my instructor. Tomorrow is also my school's orientation for new students. But I don't feel like going to the orientation but I think I will go to school in the morning because Mum needs to pay for the bus fees and I need to get new uniform since my old ones are yellow and I don't like the color yellow.

13. But anyway I am happy I got to do all the homework I'm supposed to. Now I have one day left before school begins and I think I will try to get plenty of sleep so I'm ready for school on Thursday.