merry-go-round.

There are so many things I wish I had, and so many I wish I could obtain. When I was four, I wanted to be a magician; at eight, I wanted to be a musician. But after I turned fourteen, I wished I grew up to be a teacher. At fifteen, I couldn't choose between being an anchor or being a hotel manager. And when I finally turned sweet sixteen, I decided I would try psychology, or even literature. But now, I'm seventeen and almost eighteen, and I still can't seem to paint my future. I look at the talents I have, and the hobbies I enjoy. I love playing the piano and I love singing. But they are only hobbies. I wish I had a soulful voice that I could deliver, and I wish my mind could hear and sing a different melody everyday. I love to write, I love to sing and I love to play the piano. Yet the only thing I cannot see myself doing, is being a songwriter, or even a singer. My writing whims come and go, and I don't have the persistence and commitment that I need to become a writer. My dedication to music has never remained high - my impatience will never allow me to pursue this. I love the feeling of success and attention when I speak in front of many, yet I've also learned that teaching requires so much effort, so much dedication and so much patience. I struggle through so many problems, with family and with friends, and I never get out without hurting someone, or hurting myself. So how do I study psychology, if I'm the one who needs a psychologist?

There are so many things I can't answer. I dream to be someone I can't, and to have some things I cannot get. I don't want to be famous in the future, but I want to be recognized. But how do I get this, if I don't even know what I want?

I'm still a kid and I don't know what I want. I'm on a merry-go-round that doesn't seem to stop; and until I find a direction, I will always be that girl.



And the truth is, this matters so much, so much to me.